So yesterday I had another laser laparoscopy to help deal with my endometriosis. A few minutes before the surgery I discovered that really good friend of mine was going to be scrubbing in on the surgery – kinda weird… but it was comforting too. I’m sure she saw a tad too much of me, but hey, it’s her job. Turns out my tubes were completely blocked and there was a lot of scaring from the last 3 laser laps and my organs were all stuck together. My doctor was able to open one tube and get my uterus unstuck and some other fun stuff, I’ll find out more at my post opp apt in a couple of weeks. So now I’m resting at home for a week, trying to to check my work email.  The good thing is that the crazy heat that has been sitting on SW Ontario the last few days has lifted and it is much more comfortable outside.

Yesterday, as we were going up in the elevator to the surgical ward, there was a boy who was about 15 years old with his mom and sister all excited about his girlfriend giving birth, and then in the show I was watching when I was resting at home there was an announcement of a pregnancy, and again in the book I was reading. Ugh. It always seems like pregnancy is being shoved in my face at the worst times.  The purpose of the surgery was to help relieve some of the pain I have each month. I had been considering a hysterectomy, but after consulting with the doctor I couldn’t go through with it. I know – I am supposed to have dealt with my infertility issues before we adopted, but I guess a little piece of me hasn’t. Sorry – just had to vent.  Ugh.

I know we have an amazing little boy who I love to bits – wish he was at home right now so I could get a big hug.

14 responses

  1. Aw, hugs for you, Krista. Sometimes the reality of infertility rears its ugly head at the absolute worst times. It was only about 18 months ago that I *finally* made peace with it (it had only taken eight years and two adoptions to do so).

    Let me know if you need to vent over the phone or anything else.

  2. I completely understand on the infertility front. It pops up every now and then for me too and I don’t know why. I can’t wait to adopt a second child but still…it’s there. Just don’t be too hard on yourself.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  3. hang in there, krista. no fun to not only be healing from yet another surgery but to also be feeling so emotional right now…and rightly so. if it wasn’t for my old age of 43, i probably wouldn’t be so at peace with my infertility and jacked up girl parts either.
    thinking of you and sending you a big ole hug!

  4. The best advice that I ever got is that it is natural that I will always be conflicted over my infertility and it is unrealistic that an adoptive mother will be 100%resolved in not being able to get pregnant (like our adoption practitioners want us to be). It doesn’t mean we love our children any less, it just one of those things that we really wanted for a time and couldn’t achieve.
    I can’t believe how much they had to repair! I hope your feeling better soon and get some pain relief!!

  5. Ugh for surgery and for the possibility of a hysterectomy. I completely get how the thought of it still hurts. We all know that it takes nothing away from the beauty of adoption. I hope the surgery helps resolve some of your physical pain.

  6. I hope your recovery is speedy.
    I am so sorry that you are feeling a bit sad about your infertility. I never experienced that since we went straight to adoption, but I understand that sadness creeps up once in a while even if you are happy with your life.

  7. I think it never really goes away completely…at least not all the time. For me…I don’t give it much thought, but then something will come up and I feel a tiny bit of anger/irritation/sadness…but then it goes away again.

    Hope you are recovering well. Your insides sound like how messed up mine were when I had a lap surgery once. Ugh.

  8. I’m sorry you had to have this surgery, but I do hope it brings you some results and some relief. I don’t think it’s reasonable for anyone to be able to ever forget the pain of infertility. It comes back to me as well – most recently when my closest friend gave birth about 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t believe how jealous I was that she was able to give birth and just have a baby while I am still waiting and waiting to bring my baby home from halfway around the world. It’s just amazing how it pops up from time to time. Sending a giant (but gentle!) hug your way.

  9. Wow, that surgery sounds like a doozy. AGain, I’m sorry I’m late to this but just wanted to say I hope you recovered quickly and have gotten some relief from the procedure. I can’t imagine what that must have felt like to have pregnancy shoved in your face at a time like that! Hugs.

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