Today is day 170 of being on Lupron shots.  Lupron is medicine given via injection that reduces levels of estrogen in your body.  In my case it is being used to reduce the inflammation of endometriosis so that when I have surgery again the surgeon will be able to fix me.  Lupron essentially puts you into a medicated state of menopause – hot flashes and everything.  But I think my body is now rebelling against the Lupron.  I work up feeling crappy this morning – and just like 2 weeks ago – I felt nauseous, had a headache, and was dizzy.  To day I made it to work, but had to go home after work because I felt worse.  I lied in bed for a couple of hours until the fire alarm in the highschool behind my house woke me up.  Who knows what happened there…  Not sure if anyone reading my blog has had to use Lupron – but if there, did your side effects get worse near the end of your treatment?  I am on 6 months of treatment, and in the end of month 5.  30 days to go, but who knows when I will feel normal again.

I have a laser laporoscapy scheduled for June 11th.  This will be my third in a year.  Cross your fingers that this time the surgery will be a success!  The first surgery, the doctor discovered that the endometriosis was much worse than he anticipated – Stage 3.  He referred me to “the endo specialist” and when I had surgery with him, he discovered it was even worse than he anticipated – Stage 4 endo.  In both cases, the doctors could not do much to help because the endo was so active.  So hence the Lupron.   Pretty funny since my gynecologist that I first talked to about the pain I was in insisted that I did not have endo – now it is so bad I am unable to get pregnant. 

2nd PRIDE Session

On Saturday – a beautiful sunny day after a cold wet week – we attended our second PRIDE session.  I have to admit, this session was much better than the first one.  This time we had sessiosn 4 – 6 (no – I did not write the descriptions below).

Session Four: Meeting Developmental Needs: Loss
The session covers the types of losses children have before they enter foster care  and adoption and explores how placement can deepen the child’s sense of loss. Loss is presented as something everyone must face, and participants have a chance to consider their own responses to losses in life.

Session Five: Strengthening Family Relationships
The focus of this session is on family identity, cultural heritage, and self-esteem in children. Participants have the opportunity to learn ways to help a child develop positive cultural identity and important family and sibling connections.

Session Six: Meeting Developmental Needs: Discipline
This session explores the challenge of discipline and the difference between discipline and punishment. The session offers an outline of ways foster and adoptive parents can best meet the goal of providing discipline that works.  

I have a great set of directions for the optimal Time Out procedure if you need one!

One more set to go…

One Step Further!

Today I sent away our retainer for the adoption!  We technically could wait until our dossier is submitted, but this way we can get the ball rolling more.  We will now get an Education package full of adoption resources and picture books, etc.  We will also now have access to Korean Adoption chat lines and get more updates from the Bridge.

Yeah!!  One step further!

Books and more…

I’m a reader – I love good fiction, and some occasional non-fiction.  I’m also a librarian, so I’m a bit of a nerd and have to organize the books I’ve read using LibraryThing –

One thing I’ve noticed since the whole fertility thing became an issue with us, is that almost every book I read, included infertility of some sort.  While choosing the books, there was no indication in most books about infertility being a subject matter, so it kept shocking me.  Some recent titles include:

Second Chance by Jane Green
Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Rise and Shine by Anna Quindlen
Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner
Other Boleyn Girl by Philipa Gregory
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Third Twin by Ken Follett

Then there is the movie Of Mice and Men (that one was a little more obvious).

I’m just happy that infertility is being discussed more and more.  With 17% of couples experiencing some sort of infertility issue, this subject does need to be in the media.

About a month ago, I watched a commercial on tv – it was for a bank and there was a very proud woman opening up an educational RRSP for her new niece.  She talked to the bank worker about how happy she was and that her sister and brother-in-law had waited a very long time for this child.  Anyhow, at the end of the commercial, the aunt goes to visit the family, and there is a couple with an asian child.  I was so happy to see that commercial – it made me feel that I am not alone – and that adoption is in the media (other than Angelina Joli adopting yet another child)… However, I haven’t seen that commercial since… and sadly I do watch a lot of tv. I hope it was not pulled.

Two other movies I watched this weekend were also on the topic of adoption – August Rush and Juno… it’s everywhere! 

Oh yeah – and Sex in the City!

Canadian Infertility Awareness Week

I was just watching tv when I saw a commercial recognizing that this week is Canadian Infertility Awareness Week!   In a Infertility Awareness Association of Canada’s 2007 press release they said that “no fewer than 17% of Canadians – over 700,000 couples- are unable to achieve a pregnancy naturally and suffer from infertility during their childbearing years…. of that number only 22% of couples receive the medical assistance they require.”  That number is huge!  My heart goes out to those who share in the pain of infertility.

OHIP woes

Listening to the radio this morning I heard the news that OHIP will once again be covering the fees of those requiring a sex-change. According to George Smitherman “It’s a very serious medical condition that affects a very small number of people.”  Sure enough – I couldn’t imagine being a woman in a man’s body or vice versa.  But what about all of us infertile women who are unable to pay for in-vitro or IUI because both of our tubes are not blocked?  It was going to cost us $5,000 per try (and it can take 3+ tries) for the in-vitro program because I only have one of my tubes being partially blocked.  I have Endometriosis that causes my reproduction organs to essentially be a toxic environment (think Monica in Friends).  Also isn’t it interesting that in a country with a decreasing population, we pay for men to have vasectomies?  Don’t get me wrong, I think OHIP should cover that fee.  However in a country who needs to boost it’s population (our fertility rate is only 1.6 in Canada) why is our health care system not paying for the means to boost fertility?

Happy Victoria Day!

Well, we went away with Matt’s parents for the long weekend to the Robinson family cottage near Burk’s Falls.  Matt and I needed to get away and relax.  Unfortunately the weather sucked.  It rained, and rained, and rained.  We did however have a nice bonfire on Saturday night – with a little help from some fire starter 🙂  I however did not have such a relaxing weekend.  Friday I wasn’t feeling well, then Friday night I didn’t sleep much – maybe 2-3 hours – gotta love Lupron!  Then Saturday I woke up with pink eye.  Sunday night I barely slept 2 hours, and all day Monday I felt nauseous – perhaps the lack of sleep?  I somehow got a massive bruise on my arm, my dog scratched my nose… I’m just falling apart!

But it was a fun time over all – great company, great food – and now that I’m home – a good night’s sleep – I hope!

Survived the Home Visit!

Yeah!! Last night we survived our home visit!  We had been cleaning and doing various things to make the house look as good as it can for the past week.  We also were doing safety things that were on the homestudy check list – ie. non slip pads under rugs, alcohol is away, barriers between pond and house, locking away medicine, writing a fire evacuation plan…  that stort of stuff.

But our AP came, we talked a bit, and then gave a tour.  She loved our home and feels that it will be a perfect place for a child.  Two things we have to still do though – get a larger fire extinguisher – ours is only 2lb, and it must be a minimum of 2.5lb.  Also she pointed out something – we do not have a railing going down to our basement – and it is required by the building code.  When she mentioned that, both Matt and I thought of the railing that was in the rafters of out basement when we moved in.   It had been chewed by a dog… and the previous owners obviously removed it to sell the house – and did not replace it.  So we have to do those two things before we get our child.

For anyone going through this process – do not worry about the home visit!  Just clean your house like you normally do – no reason to go overboard.  I didn’t know what to expect, and didn’t need to go to the extremes I went to (ie. cleaning my hope chest out…)

We went out to celebrate last night and had a nice dinner at a favourite downtown restaurant.  This morning however I feel HORRID!  I had to call in sick – I hope I am not getting the flu everyone else seems to have.

Happy Mother’s Day

Today was the first Mother’s Day I felt I could celebrate.  For over 4 years Mother’s Day has been a very painful day for me – just another reminder that yet again, I am still not a mother.  I do have a dog, who does provide lots of love and kisses, but for those who know how I feel, it is just not quite the same.

This year however I know that there is a wonderful woman out there who is pregnant, and one day will be giving me the most wonderful gift.  That gives me hope.

This morning my wonderful husband gave me a Mother’s Day card – to the Mommy-to-be, and included me in the pampering this evening when we had our mothers over for dinner.  He brought us drinks, appetizers, dinner, desert, after dinner drinks – he is just an absolute sweetie. 

By this time next year, I’m hoping we have a little one to celebrate with!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers, and to all the Mommies-to-be!!